The average age for marriage in the UK is 35.3 years for men and 33.2 years for women. J and I got married at 21. Freshly graduated, no money, no house, no car and honestly no idea. We got married three weeks after graduation and just one week after I turned 21. 

We were young, immature and naive in so many ways. We didn’t have established careers, we didn’t backpack around Thailand, do the big holidays, save for a house or live together to ‘test drive’ our relationship. We left our Christian marriage preparation course a day early after having a major disagreement over what the roles of a husband and wife were during one of the first study sessions. We arrived to that marriage course blissfully hand in hand and left early in separate train carriages. We didn’t have it all together. Whilst most people were supportive, many of our friends and family couldn’t understand why we would get married so young.  

So do I look back and wish that we had waited?

Not for one second. 

We knew early in our relationship that we would get married. We knew each other as friends for a while before and so that jump wasn’t huge. We were in that (now unfortunate) Joshua Harris era of Christian dating. We read the book ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ and began a short courtship before getting engaged less than a year later. 

We spoke early about the big topics and figured out that we had the same vision in mind. We both wanted kids (although neither of us could have imagined that we would have six!), J wanted to live abroad and we both believed in the value of having a mother in the home. We loved the Lord (I was a new believer) and we knew that we didn’t want to date unless there was a high chance that it would turn to marriage. We wanted to honour whoever we did end up marrying, and if that wasn’t going to be each other then we didn’t want to waste our time. 

I am so thankful that the Lord made it so clear to us that we were to marry because there was so much stacked against us. We lost friendships over our marriage and some family relationships were seriously strained. 

It is really hard in our culture to do things differently. In our Grandparents’ generation, everything I just described would have all been pretty standard, but we were most certainly the odd ones out committing to each other so young. 

13 years, eight moves, and six children later I can tell you that marrying young was one of the best decisions that we made. There are two things that we look back on with some regret: that we didn’t get married sooner; and that we waited an arbitrary year to start our family!

In just 13 years, we have already ticked off our first round of for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, ups and downs and round and rounds. This is not a rose tinted take on young marriage but our actual tired and tested experience.

So with that in mind, here are some of the best things about getting married young…

1. You grow together – everyone is going to grow and evolve in their twenties. The world will tell you that you need to ‘find yourself’ or ‘know yourself’ before you marry. I think that is a endless goal to chase. You will both grow and change throughout your life but growing two young plants around the same stake is much easier than taking two established plants and trying to mesh them together. You are intertwined by design. 
   
2. You don’t know wealth – Starting out poor together is really good for you. Working hard for what you have and not being accustomed to the finer things in life is a good thing. Disposable income is something that we only experienced years into marriage. I think that was good for us. We know how to be happy with very little which offers a huge freedom for you life together.
   
3. We have mutual friends – Having friends is of course a good thing. Having friends that know you as a married woman and are invested in supporting your marriage is an extra good thing. There are almost no ‘my friends’ and ‘his friends’ which I think has protected us from a lot of potential division.
   
4. Big things together – I love that I don’t have to hear and learn about J from stories. I was there when he got that exciting job that took him to the New York and LA and I got to experience it all with him. We have done everything together and most of our memories are shared. That is fun.
   
5. More time for kids – This one is simple. Fertility isn’t forever, and the younger you start, the more time you have. We are so thankful that we have been able to make the most of our time. We never know when that will no longer be an option for us but I am very grateful to have been able to make the most of that special time.
   
6. More time together – I will not look back in my old age (Lord willing) and regret that extra decade that I got with my husband. The younger we start our marriage and family, the more time we hopefully will have with our children, grandchildren, and wouldn’t it be incredible to meet our great grandchildren? Time is one of the most precious things that we have.

Now, I am not saying jump into marriage recklessly, especially if my children read this one day! It is one of the biggest and most impactful choices that you will make in your life. That said, if, like us, you are young and seeking to be married to honor the Lord, then get your blinkers on and get on with it. 

There is no ‘perfect’ person. I really do not believe in ‘the one’ but that the one who you choose becomes ‘the one’. It is a choice. Two people coming together to become one. Marriage takes lots of nurture and hard work and oh so much grace no matter who you marry or how old you are. 

Seek good, wise, godly council. Above all seek the Lord and ask for wisdom. We are hugely in favor of young marriage and love to get around young couples and cheer them on. It really is a wonderful thing.